He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize