i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
