I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize