tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
