She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
