addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
