the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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