Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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