This is not my ceiling
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
