he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
