it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize