Where is the hickey?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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