It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
