just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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