This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
FUCK WHALES
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
