One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
