I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
