What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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