So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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