yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
