His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
