just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
