The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
