This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
