I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
