On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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