I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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