You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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