I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
