I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
