This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
