how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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