I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
