im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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