Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
