I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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