one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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