Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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