I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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