found the other keg... it's in the tree
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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