When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
