??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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