He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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