I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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