I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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