If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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