I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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