chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
