At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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