The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Randomize