He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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