I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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