You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
