At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize