What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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