Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
