things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I will pee on everything he values.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
