i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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