I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
