i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize