Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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