Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
