hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Randomize
