then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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