You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
