I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
