I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
