You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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